Failure to grab drinks could result in fine

Think before you make empty promises

By Isabelle Orr, Entertainment Editor

Do you have plans to “grab drinks” with friends?

A new bylaw passed in Metro Vancouver means that failure to physically go for said drinks could cost you. Other Press reporters talked to Deputy Commissioner Sheila Reekie for the inside scoop.

“An estimated 380 people per day make plans to ‘grab a drink sometime next week’ in the Greater Vancouver Area alone,” said Reekie. “Only around nine percent of those people actually follow through with their promise. It’s time to take responsibility for our words and actions.”

Reporters spoke to sociologist Jeff Michaelson to find out why it seems to be so hard to keep such an innocuous promise.

“Human relationships are extremely complex,” said Michaelson. “Oftentimes, a relationship between two people—be it friendship, familial, romantic, or otherwise—simply diminishes over time. While sometimes a relationship can be revived naturally, or by taking a trip to the Sunshine Coast together, the only surefire way to make sure an encounter runs smoothly is by drinking copious amounts of alcohol.”

Michaelson added that this might not be an easy feat.

“Though drinking as a ‘social lubricant’ is the best method to delay the doldrums, consider the following: They work early, are on a cleanse, or are two weeks into a sober month. Be sure to factor in the estimated 10 to 20 minutes of small talk you have to endure before both of you are seated and your drinks arrive. Bringing those numbers into play makes many people rethink ‘grabbing a casual drink.’”

“Failure to follow through on plans could cost you upwards of $200,” Reekie said. “That number is based on how many times you’ve promised to get drinks, as well as how much you run into that person on a weekly basis. You could be looking at jail time if you miss their birthday as well.”

Reporters took to the streets to ask citizens what they thought of the fine.

“At this point, it’s the only thing that’ll ever make me get a drink with my friend Ashley,” Sophia Seeding told press. “I need the threat of paying money to make me hang out with her.”

“I have about seven people I’ve promised to meet up for happy hour with,” Francis West said. “And that’s in 2019 alone. Looks like I’ll have to break my dry February.”

“It’s easy to toss around the idea of going for a drink,” Michaelson said. “Especially when both people aren’t really invested. So this new bylaw will not only help people stay connected, but will also ensure that we think about what it really means to be ‘friends’ in this day and age.”

He added that it was also “an excuse for me to get absolutely tanked on a Tuesday night.”

Don’t feel like drinking? “The RCMP suggests getting stoned and watching Scary Movie on Netflix,” Reekie said. “It’s almost just as good as alcohol for when you just need a ‘little something’ to make a former friend bearable. Plus, it’s legal now!”