By Livia Turnbull, Humour Editor
Capricorn
(12/22-1/19)
You have to take responsibility for your dreams. You’d better apologize to the neighbours about your sleepwalking two months ago that caused you to set a tree on fire.
Aquarius
(1/20-2/18)
That special connection you got from a horse looking you in the eye was probably just the horse trying to shoo you away so that he could pee in peace. You’re more of a rock whisperer.
Pisces
(2/19-3/20)
You might be even more confused about romantic matters when your plan to reenact a romantic night on the Hindenburg is approved by no one.
Aries
(3/21-4/19)
Do you have a problem with moths in your house? The best way to get rid of them is to start organizing your moths by their wingspan. That way, you’ll learn to bond with them and the moths will accept you as one of their own.
Taurus
(4/20-5/20)
Your social life is quite busy these days. Perhaps you shouldn’t have advertised that you knew a way to get easy As in all classes when you’ve actually failed two years in a row.
Gemini
(5/21-6/21)
You may feel extra generous today, but that doesn’t mean that you should pay off student loans for the first 50 people who come to your house.
Cancer
(6/22-7/22)
You are easily confused by your emotions today. You wonder if those rusty sprinklers up on the ceiling are a good or bad thing.
Leo
(7/23-8/22)
No matter how bad the world gets, you can always live inside your own mind where you are the greatest person in the world and not a complete loser.
Virgo
(8/23-9/22)
You’ve always had an eye for art, but a preschool isn’t the best place to learn to be the next Reuben or Dali.
Libra
(9/23-10/22)
It seems that the object of your affection isn’t getting your messages. You should send about 500 more just to be sure.
Scorpio
(10/23-11/21)
Maybe wearing a T-shirt that reads “Skool iz 4 loosrs” isn’t the best choice of outfit for your interview to be an English teacher.
Sagittarius
(11/22-12/21)
A lot of people have something that makes them laugh. Yours just happens to be watching people fall down open sewers.
