Fifty shades of noise complaint

Police say the additional sexual harassment charges are a little grey

By Brittney MacDonald, Columnist

Audible.com’s recent edition of an audio version of 50 Shades of Grey by EL James has several New Westminster residents fuming. The book, dubbed “housewife porn,” has become a popular option for auditory entertainment, but these thrill-seeking customers aren’t looking to hide away behind a pair of headphones. Couples have replaced their Barry White for a little S&M serenade when they’re feeling frisky, and their neighbours are none too happy about it.

“It was on for hours!” complains one resident. “I had to call the landlord! If I had to listen to one more minute of that girl ‘releasing her inner goddess’ I was going to release my fist into someone’s face! My wife wouldn’t come out of the bathroom for hours she was so ashamed!”

“I’ve never heard such things! Who would write such trash? Who’d read it for that matter? Depraved lunatics!” says Maggie Jones, a 65-year-old grandmother of four. “Well, after the first three hours I just had to listen to the rest, otherwise how would I know what to tell the rental office when I accused them of disturbing the peace?”

Audible.com declined to comment, but James’ publisher stated that they’ll be releasing James’ next book Mr. Black in the Observatory with a Candlestick this December, right in time for Christmas.