Leave your fellow commuters in awe
By Klara Woldenga, Entertainment Editor
It’s no joke; commuting sucks more than your mother taking part in a straw sucking contest. Commutes are long, weird, and go either too fast, too slow, or just right—right? Thankfully, like a wonderful blanket, we’ve got you covered. Here are some tips that make your travels a bit easier for you because, in the end, it’s only you that matters.
Touch everyone’s knees
Come on, you love knees. Everyone loves knees. Touch them all. Touch them all the time—but only if you can make it look like an accident. People hate it when you do things like touching knees on purpose. Brush up and touch their knees with your bag or jacket. Bonus points if you maintain eye contact.
Thank the bus driver 100 times
Bus drivers really like it when you greet them and say thank you, so say thank you 100 times while you are on the bus. If you get a chance, whisper it into their ear as you pass by.
Eat your lunch on the bus
People love tuna and really, really old eggs. The older the better, really. Make sure to eat those on the bus as many times as you can, together, in a very large and very drippy sandwich.
Wear 12 backpacks
Backpacks are great and hold so many things: stolen goods, small fires, or eternal life. The more the merrier, and with your short-sightedness I’m sure you have many to choose from. Wear them all and wear them proudly!
Scream every time you see the bus
Buses are intimidating. Challenge their authority and size with a loud scream of terror.