By Roshni Riar, Staff Writer
I just can’t do this anymore.
You nod as if she’ll see you, but
you realize, gripping the phone tighter,
you’re going to have to speak.
But you can’t, begin to open your mouth
and that too familiar stinging in your eyes
erupts. You blink and the quivering
in your hand starts. You can’t stop it,
can’t help it. Like a mousetrap
your jaws snap shut, and you’re left
simply breathing into the
receiver, but since when has breathing
Are you even listening?
Eyes close, and you swallow thickly, like
there’s a bag of sand dangling
from your uvula. Just wish and wait.
Maybe she’ll think the phone went dead,
you won’t have to face this
I didn’t call to hear silence.
And there’s the anger. You think fuck you
but you can’t say it, you’ll never be able to.
And now you’re standing with your shaky legs,
afraid you’re going to fall, but you already have
so, what’s the difference? You slump
to the ground as the click and sound
of the dial tone echoes in your ear,
you can’t say anything,
but thank you for nothing.
You repeat it until the
words mean nothing at all.