A look back on the crazy adventure
By Chandler Walter, Assistant Editor
In light of the article structure made famous by VICE, in which journalists journey forth, going out into the brave world and spending far too lengthily a time in an establishment that you would otherwise spend only an hour or so at (strip clubs, casinos, airports, a Wal-mart I think), I decided to join the ranks of these hardy souls and grind my way through a 24-hour long stay at a place of most discomfort: my own home.
To ready myself for this endeavor I knew that I would need a few things. Sustenance, water, and entertainment were all the staples of a day, and if I were to go without any one of these three, I didn’t know if I would make it. So I stopped at the grocery store on my way to my house, and picked up some goods to last me through the 24 long hours.
Hours 1 through 11
When I arrived at my house it was already pretty late, and I had been out drinking with some friends, so naturally I fell asleep pretty easily. Which was luckily enough, as the sleeping arrangements in my own home were not very ideal. For one, there was a girl there who kept stealing all the blankets, and insisting that the side of the bed with the bedside table was “her side.” I managed to find a way to fall asleep, regardless, and the first 11 hours of this test flew by.
Waking up, the real fun began. I was in a daze from the alcohol the night prior, and could barely find my way to the washroom. Once there, strange things littered the counter: a metal rod that was warm to the touch, a gun that fired hot air, and what appeared to be a very thin Foreman Grill. I left them all where they were, but to my horror I discovered that the toilet paper roll was empty.
I don’t know how much longer I can last in this place.
I have made good use of the sustenance I brought with me, but I do not know how long this two litre of orange juice and six pack of chocolate Eggo waffles are going to last. The woman who appears to live here has already stolen half of the waffles. God help me.
Hours 14 through 17
The walls are closing in, and this test of willpower is leaving me exhausted. I have spent the last three hours lying in bed, reading a novel from the vast selection of—surprisingly—all my favourite books. I long for the smell of the trees, the feel of the sun on my skin.
I, unfortunately, was not successful in spending an entire 24 hours in my own house. Unforeseen circumstances came up, and it’s not like I was going to say “No” to a pint with the fellas. I learned a lot from this experiment, however, and I feel it has changed me for the better.