Livewires: May edition

Edited by Eric Wilkins, Struggling Journalist

…because why publish fresh local content when you can pull an article from the newswire used by hundreds of papers across the country?

Adult learning centres turn out to be “adult” learning centres (Wreuters)
Adult learning centres are being shut down countrywide after a man complained that the education he was receiving had nothing to do with his intended area of study.

“I said I wanted to study a new tongue,” explained No Nguyen. “This was not what I was expecting.”

Other students noted afterward that the “y” and “n” check boxes beside “sex” on the application forms were a little odd.

Ron Jeremy could not be reached for comment.

‘Crosswalk’ the new favourite dance of the transgendered community; jaywalking on the rise  (Agence Prance-Presse)
The latest dance craze to sweep the transgendered community has been dubbed “the crosswalk.” While increasingly accepted as part of contemporary dance, the rise of the crosswalk has had some unforeseen side effects.

Homophobes and similar opposition to the transgendered community have seen dramatic increases in their numbers of jaywalking tickets.

The inventors of the dance tried to draw up some terms to change the name and eliminate some confusion, but the opposition refused to accept them as they were.

Coffee choice found to be a factor in divorce (Canadian French Press)
A recent study has found coffee choice to be a major factor in finding marital success. The research, which involved 2,000 cases, showed coffee to be the grounds for divorce 75 per cent of the time.

“My [ex] husband sometimes says, ‘Let’s get Folgers.’ It’s like he has no filter,” commented a participant in the study.

Many also admitted that marriage was a grind they perhaps weren’t ready for.