Move over, ‘eight balls’

Drug dealers decide to go fully metric

By Sophie Isbister, Life & Style Editor

Today British Columbia’s drug dealers have made steps to go fully metric, as they implement decisions made at the semi-annual Drug Retailers Association of BC (DRAB) conference last weekend. DRAB is an event where suppliers and pedlars alike meet to discuss issues that affect both industry professionals and consumers.

“The metric question has been on the table over several conferences,” a supplier who only wants to be referred to as “Snake” tells the Other Press. “Many sellers were in favour of keeping the status quo, however in the last few years a very vocal contingent of our organization has been pushing for across-the-board synergy of all terminology.”

As it stands, when attempting to purchase drugs the consumer generally chooses between amounts ranging from one gram (or “dimebag”) to an ounce (or “zip”). This has understandably been the cause of much confusion, as a gram is a metric measurement that is only roughly equivalent to the 3.5 grams that usually pass for an eighth of an ounce  (or simply “eighth”).

The Other Press also spoke to some drug consumers who just happened to be loitering outside the convention centre (which just happened to be a local public park). Eighteen-year-old East Vancouver resident Meredith Cheeba embraces the changes: “I don’t even know what an ounce is. Everyone in BC simply uses metric measurements for everything. This change will make my drug purchasing much more user-friendly.”

Veteran user, 50-year-old Bradley Blaze, has more misgivings about the upcoming changes. “I just, I don’t know man. Did you ever really look at the clouds? Like, really look?” Blaze was unable to answer any of this reporter’s follow-up questions.

Snake, who is in favour of the changes, believes that an industry-wide shift in the way drugs are weighed and sold will have considerable benefits for the drug-using public. “This is a very important issue; one that I am happy to say has finally gained traction.”

While it may be slow going to get the consumer to switch over, representatives of DRAB are confident that soon enough distributors will be asking for “112 grams” instead of a “QP,” and instead of an eight ball, partygoers will quickly adapt to requesting “3.5 grams of cocaine, please!”

DRAB is holding an online competition to come up with a new slang term for what they are temporarily calling “the baggie formerly known as eighth.”