Man realizes ring too ‘precious’ to waste on girlfriend
By Sharon Miki, Humour Editor
Despite already having paid rental deposits on a smoke machine and a T-shirt cannon, a Coquitlam man left nearly a dozen participants disappointed when he called off a planned flash mob proposal on Friday January 24, after becoming too attached to the engagement ring to give it up.
Gollum Smith, a 34-year-old Douglas College arts student, originally from Middle Earth, placed multiple ads on Craigslist to solicit participants for his planned proposal to girlfriend Cindy Lou, 29.
“I’m going to do this whole thing where we’re walking to the Safeway at the station, you know, and then all of a sudden everyone will start singing ‘Marry You’ by Bruno Mars and yadda, yadda, yadda—I’ll give her the ring and she’ll be stuck with me,” explained Smith in the Craigslist ads, which have now been taken down.
However, when Smith showed up with Lou at the SkyTrain station at the appointed time on Friday, he made a last-minute decision to terminate the proposal plans.
Onlookers say that Smith began shouting and convulsing in a feral manner, while clutching a plain gold ring to his chest. “Leave now, and never come back!”
“My precious…,” said Smith, when captured on a bystander’s iPhone. “We wants it, we needs it. Must have the precious!”
Nearly a dozen planned participants in the flash mob, including Lou’s mother and sister, were left disenchanted and dumbfounded at Smith’s cancellation.
“Well, I’m a little disappointed for Cindy,” said Lou’s mother, Bernice, 65. “But if this is how Gollum’s going to act, I guess it’s better we find out now. Not very gentlemanly.”
“Also… the ring isn’t even that nice,” added Lou’s sister, Janice, with a lot of attitude. “Yellow gold is a bit passé—and, like, where were the diamonds?”
“I learned all the words to a Bruno Mars song for this. I’m not very happy,” added Craigslist participant Jake Rakellet.
Upon realizing that her boyfriend was going to propose to her, but then called it off while screaming like a monster, Cindy Lou left the scene in a total huff.
Smith hasn’t been heard from since the incident and has not answered requests for follow up interviews. His only communication has been on social media, where he tweeted on Saturday night: “So bright, so beautiful… ah, Precious. #mylove.” There is no indication as to whether he is referring to Cindy, or to the plain gold ring.