Why you should avoid these horrible horrors in your scary movie marathons
By Jessica Berget, Opinions Editor
It’s finally October! Forget about the sweaters, tea, pumpkin spice and falling leaves—October’s real purpose is for getting into the Halloween spirit. Nothing gets me more into that spirit than getting drunk and watching tons of horror movies. This past month, I’ve seen my fair share of scary films, some amazing, and some that were, in my opinion, a huge pile of spooky garbage. I watched the huge piles of garbage so you don’t have to, and here they are: Horror movies that will make you scream to turn the TV off, rather than in fear.
Don’t let the 91 percent on Rotten Tomatoes fool you, this movie is bad. I have never been so confused and frustrated by a film. Just because a movie makes no sense, that doesn’t mean it’s a good movie, but many fans of this film seem to think so. For something that is so highly regarded as a cult classic you’d think it would be coherent.
The Thing (1982)
I can see why this one was so popular in the ’80s but it has not aged well at all. It’s got a good amount of suspense, some campy gore, props, and production value, and of course, bearded Kurt Russel. However, it loses its mystery after the third time you see this “thing.” The film may have been a stepping stone for horror films back in the day, but there are so many better movies out there now that people need to stop regarding this one as their favourite horror movie ever.
I like to think of this one as Eraserhead part two: It’s slow, confusing, and has a weird alien thing in it for some reason. It starts out interesting with some suspenseful and edge-of-your-seat moments, but quickly declines into arts-fartsy nonsense. After looking up the ending I found out it’s a metaphor for divorce, but if you have to have a movie explained to you or read an analysis of it to understand it, then in my opinion it’s not a good movie. Don’t even get me started on the alleyway scene.
When I say spooky garbage, this is the movie I am referring to. It’s a slow and boring film with little scare factor and special effects that may have spooked some people 30 years ago but I don’t think would do much for audiences today (except for the scene of the guy ripping off his face that will be burned into your brain forever). I’ve seen this movie more than once and I can confirm that even seeing it a single time is too much.
10 Cloverfield Lane (2016)
I’m going to be honest: I didn’t even make it past the first half hour of this movie. The dialogue is so forced and fake-edgy that it feels like Jared Leto’s Joker character in Suicide Squad wrote it. What seemed like a great cast and plot at first is wasted on this movie. If you can finish this film, you are much stronger than I am.