Internet changes view for first time ever
By Cazzy Lewchuk, Staff Writer
Local conservative, construction-foreman, and all-around asshole Gary Tory reportedly changed his mind after a lengthy Facebook argument with his niece this week.
The incident occurred after Gary posted yet another rant arguing his racist, bigoted, and generally uninformed views regarding various political matters. In the one post alone he criticized the current Canadian government, praised the rise of Donald Trump in the U.S., expressed his distaste for immigrants, ’minorities, gays, liberals, and Leonardo DiCaprio. Several Facebook friend insiders report that these rants are common and frequently involve profanity, mockery, links to misleading studies, and Bible verses.
Libby Earl, Gary’s niece, reportedly did what nobody has ever done before: called her uncle out for his alarming comments. Using self-righteous logic, links to The Huffington Post and Salon, and descriptions of feminism, equality, and tolerance, Libby managed to change her uncle’s mind after only half an hour of arguing.
“My ingrained social and political views are a result of 50 years of indoctrination,” Gary posted the next day in response to the argument.
“The reasons for my intolerance were numerous, including the community and family I was raised in, personal circumstances I have blamed others for, reinforcement in my social atmosphere, and personal brain chemistry. Fortunately, Libby’s four paragraphs of logic immediately caused me to reverse my positions. I am now fully-versed and on board with social justice, liberal-based progress, and Leo winning the Oscar he so richly deserves.”
Libby expressed surprise at her uncle’s behavioural switch. “I argue with people on Facebook all the time, sometimes as many as 20 times a day. Whether we’re debating politics, religion, sports, or entertainment award choices, I’ve never had anyone actually change their mind before. Usually my attacks on others’ deeply held beliefs are done for nothing more than blowing off steam and convincing others that I’m definitely right about everything.”
Gary has gone on to make several lifestyle changes, including renouncing his membership from the Meninist society, becoming a member of the New Democratic Party, and crowding Facebook news feeds with links to articles warning of the dangers of racism, Islamophobia, and overall intolerance in today’s society.
“I can’t believe I’ve been so ignorant for so long. I owe it all to my niece—whom I love very much and do not consider to have any lesser intelligence or worth because of her gender or age—for helping me make this instant switch.”
At press time, Gary was reading a counter-argument posted by his nephew Marco Cruz, leading him to reconsider his platform and bring back his previously held beliefs of racism, bigotry, and refusal to make the world a better place.
