Passive aggression without the effort
By Sharon Miki, Humour Editor
Let’s face it: thanks to handy smartphone technology, we live in an era where relating to other human beings is easier than ever. Want a date? Swipe right on Tinder. Want a friend? Download Facebook and start requestin’. Want to maintain a long-term relationship without wasting precious time actually speaking with your boo? Get BabeApp.
BabeApp is a new smartphone app (available for Android and Apple devices) that takes all the guesswork out of being someone’s girlfriend. Simply install the app, input information about your boyfriend, and voila—BabeApp instantly makes you a stereotypical girlfriend, and you barely have to lift a finger. The app will text your man selected “girlfriend-like” messages at scheduled times so that he will never forget that you’re around, and that you’re totally his girlfriend.
“Honestly, I used to get so much anxiety trying to think of how to be a decent partner,” said Samantha, 25. “But with BabeApp, I can just chill and let my phone keep him hooked.”
Similarly, Bree, 22, noted that BabeApp can be helpful for girls who have time to text, but are bad at being appropriately clingy. “I generally only call or text my boyfriend when I want to talk to him or have something legitimate to say… so sometimes I worry that he won’t think I care about him because I’m so chill and not jealous. BabeApp really solves that problem: he’s constantly on his toes now.”
According to BabeApp’s developers, the key to the app’s success is that it utilizes all of the behaviours that the media tells us make a typical girlfriend.
“It’s commonly accepted that girlfriends are needy, annoying, and jealous creatures,” explained BabeApp creator Jason Douchey. “So we’ve collected a bunch of these ‘girlfriend’ phrases and tendencies and inputted them into the app. No guy will doubt that it’s you sending the messages, because they’ll just assume you’re a passive-aggressive bitch. And they’ll love you for it.”
App summary: Automatically message your boyfriend needy, sassy notes so that you have more time to get your nails done (or whatever it is that girls do)
Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
Price: $1.99 for Android devices via the Google Play store/$2.59 for Apple devices via iTunes
Sample BabeApp messages:
- “I only want to if you want to.”
- “babbbbbbbe :/”
- “We need to talk.”
- “Do you have anything you want to say to me?”
- “What’s her name?”
- “Do you miss me?”
- “…Never mind.”