Girl quits social media, is regarded as martyr by friends

Photo illustration
Photo illustration

A heroic act of valour praised by millions

By Chandler Walter, Humour Editor

Last week history was made as Rachel McCarthy, a second year Douglas student, decided that she had had been spending too much time looking at her phone.

McCarthy made the bold step of permanently deleting all of her social media pages to free up her time to pursue other interests. Her friends mourned the loss of her statuses and pictures, but knew it was for the greater good.

“It just happened so suddenly,” said friend of McCarthy and Twitter follower Regina Dowes. “One day she was there, tweeting about what she was thinking about making for lunch, and the next day she was just… gone. I couldn’t believe it.”

Though sad at the loss of her follower and the occasional “like” that came with McCarthy being on Twitter, Dowes agrees that it was for the best. “I mean, we all always talk about what life would be like without social media, but you never think someone is going to actually do it, you know?”

Dowes said she had plans to go for lunch with McCarthy later that week, but had no idea if it would really happen, as McCarthy had no way to RSVP to the Facebook event page.

Shortly before McCarthy said farewell to all of her @ mentions and cat videos, she posted a long, thought-out goodbye to the world of social media on her Facebook page.

“I’ve decided to delete my account. I think Facebook is sucking the life out of me and everyone around me. Twitter and Instagram are just shadows of television and books, and I like to read a lot. I am very literate and smart, and I don’t need social media any more. #BetterThanAllOfYou #PeaceOut.”

The post instantly went viral, and many in the Internet community found that McCarthy’s wisdom shook them to the very core. While not many have found the same courage McCarthy displayed, some have even followed in her footsteps, casting away the hypothetical chains of electronic validations. Each of these brave souls also posted long drawn out statuses, and all who read them were humbled by their complexity and superiority.

When asked what she saw to be the driving force behind the movement that she had started, McCarthy was startled. “Wait what? I honestly didn’t even know, as I’m not on social media any more. I wonder what else I am missing out on…”

Shortly after the interview, and three long days after her last Facebook status, McCarthy re-activated her account, as she had merely disabled it.