Witnesses say he was armed with a Nerf gun
By Livia Turnbull, Contributor
A small corner store was shaken up by a robbery on Tuesday afternoon. The suspect, three-year-old Tyler Conners, walked into the store armed with a toy Nerf gun. Conners seemed to be unaware of the crime and appeared to just be in search of candy. Sources say that Conners lives down the street from the store, and is often seen with his father.
“When Conners came into the store, I got on the ground right away,” says a male witness. “Those foam darts really hurt, you know.”
“I was so panicked that I gave Conners the candy right away,” says a cashier. “He really wanted the Aero bars. When he was distracted, I hit the silent alarm.”
Conners gorged himself on a few Aero bars and then walked over to the magazine rack where he flipped through an auto magazine.
“He smeared the entire thing with chocolate while telling us to come over and look at cars with him,” says a female witness. “He expressed plans to buy the red ‘truck’ model as a getaway car. I just didn’t know what to do.”
Conners had just gone to sleep in a quiet corner of the store when the police arrived. He attempted to evade arrest by throwing a tantrum.
“He was getting to be pretty dangerous,” said Constable Ryan Irenn. “We debated about using the taser on him, but we decided that he would tire himself out eventually.”
Conners was sent back to his home, where his father promptly gave him a timeout and made him eat an extra serving of vegetables for dinner. However, it appears some people are not happy about Conners’ punishment.
“That boy should have spent a night in jail,” says Dave Blackstone. “That’ll teach him to watch that Yo Gabba Gabba filth. That show encourages positive creative expression, which can lead to violence. I read an article about that once.”
People are also organizing petitions calling for toy gun control. However, some people are against this movement.
“The toy gun industry is one of the last gun suppliers not being controlled by the government. If people starting taking away our toy guns, we’ll have nothing left to defend ourselves. THANKS OBAMA,” writes Mark Andrews on Facebook. “The Second Amendment is are [sic] most importent [sic] Amendment of ALL TIME.”