Vocabulary for our dystopian present

The future is now, and it’s fucking terrifying

By Rebecca Peterson, Humour Editor

We live in one Hell of a time, and everything has become a confusing mess of doublespeak and politically charged buzzwords. What is the average person to make of all this? How can we tell what people are actually saying when we use coded words as substitutions for more inflammatory statements? Never fear! The Other Press is here to provide you a brand-new vocabulary guide for the horrifying present!

“Alt-right”

What it sounds like: A keyboard command shortcut? Or, looking deeper, a group of passionate and dedicated conservatives looking to restore traditional values. Very, very traditional values. Despite trying to boycott Star Wars because they finally figured out the franchise has anti-fascist themes and convincing themselves that Donald “Putin’s been a leader” Drumpf is going to somehow make Mexico pay for a wall along the border, they are potentially rational people with valid concerns and an unorthodox approach to solving them.

What it means: Neo-nazis. “I’m not racist but-.” A large group comprised mostly of white evangelical folks dedicated to the ideals of not even last century, but the century that came before it. The people you really don’t want to get into an argument with on Facebook. The reason why you’ve been hearing the words “echo-chambers” in every thinkpiece written or recorded over the past three months.

“Fake news”

What it sounds like: Articles from the Onion about toddlers hacking Twitter that your poor aunt keeps sharing with heartbreaking sincerity. The well from which unimaginative humour editors draw from with increasing desperation, knowing their satire piece will likely mirror a real-life headline from the Vancouver Sun before their own paper goes to print.

What it means: Propaganda. Lawful evil “fake news” written with an agenda, meant to assert the alt-right’s opinions as fact. Chaotic evil “fake news” written in the same vein, the same tone, but by people who want to make money off site hits and watch the world burn. The reason you blocked at least five friends on Facebook over the course of the election, because they kept sharing articles trying to convince people Hillary Clinton had someone murdered over the email shenanigans.

“Echo-chambers”

What it sounds like: A place with really great acoustics.

What it means: An important concept regarding the impact of social media on modern news distribution and consumption, oversimplified and morphed into a circular argument that echoes back and forth across partisan lines. Are conservatives caught within their own echo-chambers of “fake news” and feelings over facts? Are liberals caught within their own echo-chambers of “holier-than-thou” rhetoric and moral superiority? The answer is… yes?? No?? Nuance?? Help???

“Political correctness”

What it sounds like: Knowing the difference between municipal, provincial, and federal governments. Passing your poli-sci class with an above-average grade.

What it means: A way to shut down any argument that makes you feel in any way uncomfortable about your privilege or lack of knowledge regarding a social issue. Someone suggests that making rape jokes reinforces rape culture? Political correctness gone mad! Someone call the Thought Police!