In a word… your future
By Rebecca Peterson, Humour Editor
Here at the Other Press, we don’t always have tons of space for long, detailed horoscopes that tell you all you need to know for your coming days. Instead, this month, our in-house psychic has used the “random” option on urbandictionary.com, and applied whatever word (unrelated to an unholy sex act) to come up as your horoscope for the month!
IF YOUR BIRTHDAY IS THIS MONTH…
“pleb”—a member of a despised social class, a commoner.
- Illustration by Ed Appleby
ARIES (March 21 – April 20)
“sticazzi”—Italian slang, in some regions meaning indifference, in others astonishment or stupefaction.
- Illustration by Ed Appleby
TAURUS (April 21 – May 21)
“birthday”—you should know this one.
- Illustration by Ed Appleby
GEMINI (May 22 – June 22)
“I lost the game”—a game that bugged the shit out of everyone in the late 2000s.
- Illustration by Ed Appleby
CANCER (June 22 – July 23)
“twinflame”—like a soulmate, but… not? Defined as the other half of your same soul.
- Illustration by Ed Appleby
LEO (July – Aug. 23)
“pemo”—pop punk combined with emo rock, clearly an entry from 2010.
- Illustration by Ed Appleby
VIRGO (Aug. 24 – Sept. 23)
“sober”—a state in which you are not under the influence of any intoxicating substance.
- Illustration by Ed Appleby
LIBRA (Sept. 24 – Oct. 23)
“railer”—used to describe a bad situation.
- Illustration by Ed Appleby
SCORPIO (Oct. 24 – Nov. 22)
“nevermind”—expression meaning “it doesn’t matter, or wasn’t that important.”
- Illustration by Ed Appleby
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 23 – Dec. 21)
“heartbreak”—well, that’s not a good word to get. Good luck this month!
- Illustration by Ed Appleby
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22 – Jan. 20)
“déjà vu”—the feeling that the thing you’re experiencing is something you’ve already experienced.
- Illustration by Ed Appleby
AQUARIUS (Jan. 21 – Feb. 19)
“déjà vu”—the feeling that the joke you’re experiencing is a joke you’ve already experienced.
- Illustration by Ed Appleby
PISCES (Feb. 20 – Mar. 20)
“tits up”—when something has gone terribly wrong. Well, now. That’s about on par with Sagittarius. Good luck this month, too!
