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‘Everyone has the right to life—especially zombies!’

In a move that most analysts are describing as “confusing,” “gross,” and “fairly insane,” a group of self-proclaimed “neo-pro-life activists” are calling upon city hall to exhume long-buried graves in the hopes of giving everyone—even people who have been dead forever—a chance at life.

Simple tips for getting your beach body ready this summer!

Make sure your body is nice and clean. Nothing takes the fun out of a trip to the lake like having dirt or blood all over your body! Bleach should take care of any nasty stains, and it also removes any traces of fingerprints that may have been left by you or your accomplices. How fun!