This year’s trip to the lake will be the one best yet!
By Chandler Walter, Humour Editor
- Make sure your body is nice and clean. Nothing takes the fun out of a trip to the lake like having dirt or blood all over your body! Bleach should take care of any nasty stains, and it also removes any traces of fingerprints that may have been left by you or your accomplices. How fun!
- Bundle up against the elements. Lake water can be cold, especially in the dead of night! Be sure to wrap your body up in a few layers of protective plastic (the darker the better!) to keep all your limbs and whatnot together as it drifts to the very depths of the lake.
- Don’t forget to accessorize! You can liven up your body (pun intended!) by adding fun accessories for your body’s trip to the lake. A nice pair of cement shoes is what all the magazines are saying is “in” this year, but feel free to think creatively! A chain-link belt or even a decorative stone could do the trick just as well.
- Bring along some fun summer drinks. Nothing says “party at the lake” like bringing a few fun beverages to enjoy during the long and lonely paddle! Be sure to pack a few fun cocktails to enjoy while rocking out on the boat, including (but not limited to) a mickey of whiskey, a mickey of vodka, or, if you’re feeling extra adventurous, a mickey of moonshine. Nothing like drowning out the memories of a felony with your favourite hard liquor!
- Bring a friend along. Sometimes going to the lake in the dead of night can get a bit lonely, so make sure to snake a friend (or three!) into the situation with you. They don’t even have to be in the know to be an accessory to murder. Have one of them paddle, the other on lookout, and then you can enjoy your fun summer time drinks alone as you come to grips with the weight of the situation.
- Bring a snack. Midnight trips to the lake are a lengthy affair, especially if you’re trying to keep noise and light to a minimum and so much moving around in the dark can really stir up a hunger. Be sure that it isn’t just the fish that will be eating tonight, and pack a snack for you and your buddies. Just make sure that it isn’t too fatty, as beach season is coming—you want your body in tip-top shape!