MISSING STUDENT

Absent group member wanted dead or alive

By Chandler Walter, Distribution Manager

A young Douglas College student has gone missing recently, leaving his Geography group fearing the worst.

Allen Zacarias Wong was last seen shortly after Tuesday’s class the week prior, and has since been seemingly wiped off the face of the earth.

“He hasn’t responded to texts or emails, we might even have to try calling him eventually,” says Allen’s group mate, Will Thurrows.

An amber alert has been put out at both campuses, with group searches and candle-lit vigils being held throughout the week.

Although Allan has been absent for the past two classes, his group mates still remain hopeful, and held a press conference earlier in the week to bring awareness to the situation.

“We will not even consider that the worst might have happened. That our poor, poor little Al-pal could have… might have… dropped out of the class.” Thurrows said through tears.

The plight of the group is especially urgent, as Allan was the one designated with creating the PowerPoint presentation, and all of its content.

“We honestly don’t care about finding him alive or dead, as long as he has a completed USB clutched in his cold little fingers.”

The assignment is due in a week, and the group is urging all Douglas College students to be on the lookout.

They are offering a reward of a May U-Pass and a used Geography textbook to anyone with information that might lead to the rediscovery of their lost group mate.

We have been informed that he will respond to Allen, or Mr. Wong, yet does not take kindly to Allayn, Al, Willy Wong-ka, Al-Pal, The Alanator, or Al-igator.

The search continues, and our thoughts and prayers are with Allan and his brave group mates, who have managed, even under these dire circumstances, to not actually get any of the assignment done themselves.

A true example of college perseverance.