ALERT: Robbery on campus

Many college students fall victim to theft

By Chandler Walter, Distribution Manager

College students should be keeping a close watch on their purses and wallets, as many reports of mass thievery on campus have surfaced.

Many of these reports are gut-wrenching, and we advise our readers to continue through this article at their own risk.

We talked to students about the incidences, though most were too shaken to form full sentences, or even to look our reporter in the eye. One Jason Wells, a second-year general studies student, had calmed down enough to be interviewed.

“I just, I don’t understand how it happened,” said Wells, his eyes glazed over, half staring into the distance. “In a single moment, I lost hundreds. Do you know how many burgers I flipped to make that kind of cash?!”

This is an especially emotional case, as this is the fourth time Wells has been robbed in his time at the college, and he suspects it won’t be his last.

“Every semester, time and again. You think you’re safe. You think you’re financially stable—and then, poof! Gone. Blink of an eye. Tap of a card.”

From the information we have collected, it appears that the thieves primarily work out of the college bookstores, preying mostly on first-year students. Their strategies are many, their charades choreographed and cunning. It appears that no one is safe, and we advise college-going students to be wary within/near the bookstores, especially during the earlier weeks of the semester.

“I’ve watched them do it,” said student Veruca Barnes, an outspoken advocate for SABR (Students Against Bookstore Robbery). “These kids, they practically line up to be robbed. Every semester it’s the same; it breaks my heart. [The thieves] even leave a paper trail: every student pickpocketed is left with varying pages of useless paper—dozens, hundreds, but it’s all just incomprehensible script. They’re just taunting the victims.”

College and university officials have been notified, though so far their powers over the matter are slim. It leads one to wonder if a darker, more sinister agenda is underway in the post-secondary institutions many students have come to love, and even consider home.

For now, the most that students can do is stick together, weather the storm, and hold on to the hope that someday this madness will end.