Students take to the outdoors, permanently

‘Alternative Living’ deemed the key to staying debt-free

By Chandler Walter, Humour Editor

This summer has seen an increase in cloudless days, warmer climes, and, evidently, students planning to forgo customary living conditions come September.

“Alternative Living” is the revolutionary new tactic students are pursuing to keep their financially doomed heads above water.

It appears to be the product of the mild climate found in Vancouver, alongside the outrageous housing prices. Students have simply opted out of the latter.

“It’s as much an act of protest as it is a means of saving money,” said Douglas College student Veronica Remington. “The whole ‘housing’ thing is overrated anyways. There are plenty of people living in Vancouver making it alright without a roof over their heads. Just look at Will Smith: he still managed to pursue happiness, even after being kicked out of West Philadelphia, or wherever.”

Remington has made the decision to follow in the footsteps of her favourite actor and join the group of students setting up camp across the street from the Coquitlam Douglas campus.

“I wouldn’t say that we’re ‘homeless,’ necessarily,” said Jake Shepard, the de-facto leader of the ragtag group, “we have made the soil our home. The trees, the forest, the water park, and the volleyball pit. We are one with this Earth, and the Earth supplies us with all we need.”

Chris Owens explained that it was more of a financial decision for him. “I just couldn’t make rent, and the next thing you know, here I am. It’s not so bad. Where most homeless people go wrong is in the drugs. They do too much. I mean hey, don’t get me wrong, you need to be at least a little bit high out here, or the lake water tastes terrible and you start to feel the bugs. But know your limit.”

The movement finds its roots in the recent successes of Anh Cao, a foreign student who graduated from the University of Toronto with a 4.0 GPA, enduring homelessness throughout his studies.

“My mom would probably let me back into the house if I had grades like that.” Owens commented. “He must have been doing something right, maybe this was it.”

The group remains hopeful for their own academic improvements, and that the warm and rainless days will continue long into the fall and winter months.