Voter turnout drops to an all-time low

Blame solely on Elections Canada

By Chandler Walter, Humour Editor

Canadian voters this federal election decided democracy was not for them, as barely any flocked to the polls October 19.

With the average voter turnout for federal elections 63 per cent, and an estimated 61.1 per cent turning out in 2011, 2015 was an all-time low with only 25.43 per cent of Canadians casting a ballot.

We asked registered Canadian voter Rick Morty why this was the year he decided not to show up.

“I have voted in every election since my 18th birthday and I believe full well in our Canadian democracy,” Morty said. “I am an avid follower of Canadian politics. I just couldn’t bring myself to go out and vote this year.”

The reason behind this was simple, small, and sticky on one side.

“I learned that they weren’t giving out stickers this year,” Morty said. “My neighbour pulled into his driveway right when I was about to go out and vote, and I noticed he didn’t have his sticker. I asked him if he had voted yet, he said he had. Apparently they weren’t giving them out.”

Morty wasn’t the only one turned away by this humongous error by Elections Canada.

“Why would I vote if I don’t get to rub it in everyone else’s face that I voted?” said Brittany Cross. “Hell, last time I got a free donut from Tim Hortons and a free coffee from Starbucks, just for wearing that sticker. Now what do I get? The heart-warming feeling that I took part in a democratic process that countries across the world are fighting and dying for? What is that even worth to me? So I stayed in and watched Netflix.”

We talked to Elections Canada about what they felt led to the low voter turnout.

Apart from the fact that literally no youth or students ever go out to vote, according to Elections Canada Officer Jean Chacent, it seems that the low turnout had more to do with the rain on Monday than anything else.

“People are so easily swayed away from voting,” Chacent said. “We put up all these signs and arrows so that they knew where to go. We made registering easier than ever, and sent everyone information and reminders for weeks. But hey, if it’s raining, people don’t want to go outside, that’s just how things are.”

When asked if he thought the lack of stickers had anything to do with the low voter turnout, Chacent scoffed, “That’s the stupidest idea I’ve ever heard. Who would come up with a premise as dumb that? An idiot?”