Daylight savings time ignites conflict

Petition gaining support for major changes

By Chandler Walter, Humour Editor

A recent call for change has erupted, re-evaluating the idea that we need to set our clocks back an hour, as we did this September 1.

Daylight Savings Time (DST), the act of falling behind by an hour in autumn and springing ahead by one in the spring, has been a custom Canadians and Americans have followed since the First World War one to optimize the use of daylight, and now many are calling to change the practice.

Will Bowen, a student at Douglas College, began the petition shortly after changing his clocks, and has since seen thousands sign. The issue, Bowen said, is that DST is not doing enough to help local students in the form it takes now.

“I like the idea, I do,” Bowen said. “I just think it can be harnessed to a greater extent. If we, humans, can just decide to change time, the very thing we live our lives by, then why not take it a step further?”

Bowen’s goal is to implement a “Sanity Savings Time (SST)” which would be similar to DST, but occur every Sunday of the year.

“Just imagine,” Bowen said, “a whole extra hour of sleep every Saturday night. Downtown clubs could stay open until three, the SkyTrain would run an extra hour, and there would be more time to binge-watch Netflix instead of studying.”

Bowen is not alone in the rally for SST, as local satanic cult leader Lucifer Fiendler has stepped up to throw his­—and his followers’—support to Bowen.

“I think it is a really nice idea,” Fiendler said. “The sun would set as humankind arose. All would be in a suspended state of turmoil, with their internal clocks busted and useless. The blackness of night would swallow the sanity of many. The world would be a darkened place and hell flame would engulf the sky!”

Fiendler also agrees that an extended Saturday night would be in the interest of all: “Sometimes a guy just likes to kick back and lounge, you know? Satan, would it ever work wonders on these bags under my eyes.”

Not all are convinced that a weekly clock change would be for the best, as opposition to the petition has arisen from the small town of Hill Valley.

“Mankind is not meant to meddle with the construct of the time space continuum!” yelled a half-mad scientist who would only give his name as “Doc.” He claimed that travelling back in time, even by an hour, could have severe consequences on the future.

For an extra hour of sleep every Sunday, this is one reporter who is willing to take that risk.