Personal computers in development

New technology to flop, says experts

By Chandler Walter, Humour Editor

Bill Gates, a young Harvard student with a knack for all things technological, has been working at MITS in Albuquerque with Paul Allen to create the world’s first “personal computer.”

These personal computers—or PCs, as Gates likes to call them—are said to be as small as your tube at home, and have the ability to process information at an exceptional rate.

Gates and Allen have named their partnership “Micro-Soft” and strive to have “a computer in every home by the turn of the century.”

Many experts in the technological community are scoffing at the two young men, most notably technology writer Steve Robbins. “These two kids are crazy,” he stated in an article. “There is no way that computers will ever be brought down to a size that small. There’re too many parts to them! It’s nothing but a pipe dream.”

The public is reacting badly to the news of this idea as well. “Why would I want to have a clunky computer in my house anyways?” said Sharon Mills, a stay-at-home mother of two. “Anything I would use it for I can already do! I mean heck, I already have a phone right there in my kitchen, and with five channels to choose from on the tube, I’m already overwhelmed with entertainment.”

Peter Worthington, Editor-in-Chief at the Toronto Sun, spoke to what impacts he thinks the emergence of PCs might have on his paper. “It’s nothing to worry about. I mean sure, we’ve lost some business to the radio and the television, but all anyone is going to be reading on these computer things is nerdy, sciency stuff anyways. We print journalists will be fine. Just you wait and see.”

In a recent interview, Gates stressed the importance of his new technology, and how it would change the world we live in. “It will be revolutionary,” he said. “It will connect people from all over the world. Just think, any information you might want at your finger tips. No going to the library and looking through stacks of books. The world’s brightest minds will be connected for the first time.”

When asked about the screening process for who could contribute to the conversation, and if this meant that anyone could write whatever they want about anything, Gates was positive that no trouble would come from an open platform. “I mean, sometimes you will get the occasional jokester, but I doubt there will be very much of that on the Internet.”