Many Facebook users being published for their exceptional writing
By Chandler Walter, Humour Editor
In a move that has shocked many in academia and delighted warriors of the keyboard, various universities around Canada and the USA have begun accepting Facebook posts as scholarly articles.
While some universities and colleges are holding out to the “traditional” approach to learning, many noteworthy institutions such as Harvard, the University of British Columbia, and our own Douglas College have begun accepting Facebook posts (on a wide variety of topics) as thoroughly thought-out and edited works.
James Kilmer, a pizza delivery boy from Port Coquitlam, was among the first to be published in a historic collection of Facebook writings.
“I didn’t think many people would see what I wrote,” said Kilmer. “I just knew a few of my friends would like my take on what I think really happened during 9/11.”
What started as 852 words of drivel soon gained traction online, going viral to more than 800 users within the first 24 hours of being posted. One commenter demanded Kilmer supply evidence for his works, at which point Kilmer readily responded with various YouTube links.
“I guess you could call that the ‘works cited’ of our new scholarly articles,” said UBC professor Scott Dryden. “There is such a wealth of information online, with millions of new words being written every hour. It would be irresponsible of the academic world to turn a blind eye to what could very well be ground breaking discoveries.”
In the past few weeks, Dryden has been a pioneer in publishing works found in the depths of the Internet. His most famous findings to date have been a 300 word rant on why Donald Trump wants to “take our (American’s) guns,” and an eloquently written series depicting the struggles of finding a girlfriend as a “nice” guy.
“This is information that is crucial to understanding the human psyche,” Dryden explained during a press conference, “and it should be preserved in our archives for hundreds of years to come.”
A stroke of luck for Kilmer, as he said that the money he received as a published scholar has helped him make his monthly insurance payments. “Hopefully one day I will be able to quit the pizza game, and come up with conspiracies full time.”
So far Kilmer’s work has been cited twice, in both an essay written by a first year Douglas College student titled “How Our Generation Has Ruined the Internet” and this fictional article in the Humour section of the Other Press.