Dear Aunt Agony,
Thanks for your advice on that big problem I was having trouble with! Now I know what to do about my finances!
Sincerely,
Confused
Dear Confused,
There was no finance question in last week’s column, dear. Stop writing such nonsense.
Sincerely,
Aunt Agony
[hr]
Dear Aunt Agony,
My little brother is nervous about taking his SAT. What can I do to reassure him?
Sincerely,
Older Sibling
Dear Older Sibling,
Tell him that if all else fails, he can always go to a community college in Canada. I’ve heard that community colleges are considered to be very prestigious there.
Sincerely,
Aunt Agony
[hr]
Dear Aunt Agony,
Hoe do I pas Eng. Ned hlp spling so yo cn hlp me?
Sincerely,
143noscull
Dear 143,
Well, try not to be near-illiterate. I helped you even though you had terrible spelling. Secondly, throw away your phone. Texting is making your generation dumber. I heard that you can also get cancer from the waves you phone sends out every time you send a text.
Sincerely,
Aunt Agony
[hr]
Dear Aunt Agony,
How come they don’t make those ESPN Jock Jam CDs anymore! I wanted to party like a jock star!
Sincerely,
Sad Jock
Dear Sad,
Well, the nineties have ended. But don’t worry; you can still get funky with the upcoming CD of Canadian and American national anthems covered by dance group LMFAO. There’s even a bonus cover of ‘Party Rock Anthem‘ sung by Canadian national anthem singer Marc Donelly!
Sincerely,
Aunt Agony
[hr]
With files by Livia Turnbull.
