An Easy-to-Use Printer is just around the corner and not dangerous at all

Embrace the future

By Jared Hampton, CEO of EZ Printer Incorporated

Clearly, as humans we have tried to create easy-to-use, non-jamming printers and have failed. There’s no shame in that—we have tried our best. There is also no shame in building a robot that has only one purpose: To design a next level, non-jamming, user-friendly printer.

We have the technology, let’s let the robots figure it out. As a large, totally cool and not evil company EZ Printer Incorporated has a duty to do what we can to stop the madness of failed printing fiascos.

And if a few people go missing in another dimension before we figure out the process, so be it.

But it hasn’t.

And it won’t.

Because we’re cool.

Frankly I don’t understand why we are being attacked by John Seren. We don’t appreciate the false accusations from a man who is clearly mad from all the pressures of being a safety commissioner for a company that is not EZ Printer Incorporated.

(John, if you can hear us, don’t move. We’re pretty sure doing so will kill you.)

(Also, if you can give us your new address to our accountant so we can forward you your last cheque that would be great.)