‘She gets a little intense,’ said the victim
By Rebecca Peterson, Humour Editor
Douglas student Petera Becks bravely went public this past weekend after weeks of psychological torment at the hands of her Halloween-obsessed roommate.
“It started back in September,” she said at a press conference on Saturday, as she clutched a blanket around her shoulders and shivered. “On September 24, she said, ‘Halloween starts next week!’ She was so excited. I thought she was just confused.”
However, it was a warning sign, one that Becks failed to recognize before it was already far, far too late.
“The decorations started going up that week,” said Becks, who had a haunted look in her eyes. “I mean, it wasn’t even October yet. Some of it was regular fall deco, but there was a disturbing amount of Nightmare Before Christmas in there, too. Then she came home from Canadian Tire one day, and her bags were just full of all these… Halloween things… I’m sorry, I need a moment.”
While Becks collected herself, a Dr. Frank N. Stein-Munster came forward as part of an advocacy group for victims of the Halloween-obsessed: The Halloween-Obsessed Victim Advocacy Group.
“We don’t take this kind of thing seriously enough—if anything, we actively encourage this kind of behaviour,” said Dr. Stein-Munster. “Halloween merchandise goes on sale earlier and earlier, so it’s bound to lead to a kind of… societal confusion. Too often the real victims are those affected by the Halloween-obsessed: the ones who share house and home with them. We laugh—yeah, you, specifically, I can see you laughing over there—but it can have long-lasting psychological effects.”
Becks returned to the microphone, pale but resolved.
“I came downstairs on the first of October,” she had said in a hushed tone, “and I saw… I saw a skeleton. A life-sized skeleton. It was just sitting at the dining room table, wearing an apron—a Halloween apron, where do you even get those?! And I screamed, and she came in and all she said was ‘Oh, I see you’ve met Ritz.’ The skeleton’s name is Ritz. I’m afraid to go home.”
Becks promptly burst into tears, and had to be escorted off the stage.
“By the time we intervened, it was a category 7 situation,” said Dr. Stein-Munster. “The decorations were everywhere, there was a bowl of Halloween candy on the table, and ‘Spooky Scary Skeletons’ was being played on repeat. By category 8 or 9, the Halloween-obsessed turn their homes into haunted houses, and by category 10… well, you never want to see a category 10.”
“I just want to raise awareness for people like me,” Becks concluded tearily. “You’re not alone. There is help out there for you, and the Halloween-obsessed person in your home. You can get your life back.”
The roommate, who would prefer to remain anonymous, was asked how she felt about her role in Becks’ trauma. Her response:
“I don’t know why she’s surprised; she should know by now that everything in life is just a big set-up for Halloween. Christmas? Time to receive spooky gifts. Valentine’s? Finding your couples-costume partner. Birthday? Second Halloween. This is basic knowledge for people in this household, come on.”
It’s apparent that the roommate shows no remorse for her actions, and will likely go on to traumatize more victims in the future if she is not stopped.
