He simply won’t get out of bed

Illustration via Ed Appleby
Illustration via Ed Appleby

How one student inspired millions

By Chandler Walter, Humour Editor

The world was changed early Monday morning, as Jerry Edmunds decided he was going to miss his first few classes and sleep in.

What Edmunds didn’t know at the time was that this simple action would spark a change in the way students everywhere saw their priorities, education, and entire lifestyle.

Edmunds began tweeting about his day off from the comfort of his own bed, and almost instantaneously began trending worldwide.

“It was incredible,” Edmunds said as we interviewed him in his room. “The tweets really took off. I feel I really struck a chord in the hearts of students everywhere. I told them that there is hope. There is a choice.”

Edmunds, having read Dr. Seuss’s I’m Not Getting Out of Bed Today as a child, decided today was the day he would forgo all social conventions regarding alarm clocks or recommended sleep hours.

“It was as if the Seuss himself had come to me in a dream and told me, ‘Jerry, you must do this,’” Edmunds said.

Shortly after tweeting some powerful words from the book—“My bed is warm, my pillow deep, today’s the day I’m going to sleep”—thousands of students took up the call and decided that they would join the revolution.

“My followers come in all shapes, sizes, and colors,” Edmunds said. “Whether it be on Twitter or Instagram, they would follow me into a coma if I asked it of them. I am truly blessed.”

The Day of the Long Nap has officially been recorded in the history books, taking the record as the day with the most absents in high schools and post-secondary institutions across the country.

When asked if he worried about his missed education, Edmunds only shrugged. “This is bigger than that now,” he said. “I have created a thing of beauty that is being shared by all the snoozers, slackers, and stressed-out students across the nation, the world, even. I could never abandon them now. Besides, we were just going to watch some documentary in class today.”

By that time, groups of protesters had formed outside Edmunds’ bedroom window.

“Just as it was foretold in the great book. Seuss must have had powers beyond anything we could have imagined,” Edmunds said.

We had to end our interview as the mob was growing too loud to speak over.

Unfortunately, we have it from an inside source that Edmunds had to leave the confines of his bed, thereby ending the movement he started all those hours ago.

Seemingly, the call of nature is stronger than the willpower of a sleepy student.