The easy how-to guide with images!
By Jennicaso, Contributor
A few years before the pre-COVID period, this dance move was popular among rappers, athletes, and politicians. Could there be a better time to bring it back? Since it was originally a hip-hop dance move, coughing while dabbing would just sound like you’re beatboxing. Unless you’re in Saudi Arabia, where the move is illegal. I’m sorry but you gotta find another method below. I don’t want to be blamed if you’re in custody.
The act of sneezing and coughing is undoubtedly similar. On both occasions, you try your best to cover your mouth with something other than your hands of course because that would be considered unsafe during this COVID era. The only difference is the sound you make. But while people staying 2 metres away from you with their earphones on, who can tell the difference?
3) DIHYDROGEN MONOXIDE
The un-scientific term for this is water. You need to be precise with the timing for this act. You can only drink water before or during coughing. If you do it way after, nobody will think you’re choking anymore. In case you’re on Mars and water is super rare and you haven’t experienced it, try to ask another Martian to strangle you and it will have the same effect. But hey, COVID has been found on Earth only. Why are you even worrying?
4) WEARING A HELMET
No, I’m not talking about regular bike helmets; people can still see you coughing wearing those. First, grab yourself some cardboard, preferably some of the 2 billion Amazon deliveries that you’ve been ordering since the dawn of the pandemic, and some paper. Done? The next step is to get on YouTube and search for “DJ Marshmello Helmet Easy DIY”. The title says “easy,” so I hope you’re capable of following the instructions. If you aren’t… just go cough at home alright?
Illustrations by Jennicaso