Though it has long been suspected that Tupac may be hiding in Cuba, the legendary rap star is hiding in Indonesia under the name “Thug Bao.”
Look at the world right now and say these are too crazy, I dare you
By Tariq Ghanzi, Contributor
Cthulhu rises from the deep and asserts dominance over the world
At this point, we may as well speculate on the existence of an eternal and boundless evil creature that exists literally just to cause fear and terror. That’s almost a faster way to explain some of our ongoing problems than any normal, rational explanation. Therefore, I propose that deep in the Atlantic Ocean there is a chamber that houses Cthulhu and once a sufficient amount of rage fills the world he will awaken and burst from this chamber causing a massive earthquake and a bunch of tsunamis that will wreck the coasts of the Atlantic Ocean. There will be momentary global unity as humanity unites and struggles to subdue the ancient beast but it will ultimately be a failure.
Kanye West locates Atlantis and claims it as his own, dubbing the lost world “Donda World”
Kanye West in the throws of agony from his ongoing divorce will buy a random submarine company and promise to record Donda 3 in an as of yet unconstructed underwater studio. While scouting a location, West will accidentally find a hitherto unknown portal that he opens. His submarine will be instantly dragged into this portal via ancient yet highly advanced technologies that are completely incomprehensible to modern scientists. His comrades on the submarine will almost instantaneously collapse in awe but West will instead launch into a long and unprovoked tirade about the evils of Pete Davidson AKA “Skete”
Taylor Swift will be arrested for running an underground kindergarten fight club
The country singer will have her personal computer hacked by eager fans awaiting an album and they will find a hidden folder labelled “Young Scrapers.” They will be shocked to see Swift officiating a bare-knuckle child fighting match with kidnapped children and clones of famous people created without the original human’s consent. One particular video featuring a Tom Cruise clone versus a Vin Diesel clone engaged in mortal combat will be of particular horrifying interest to the world.
The real Tupac will come back
Though it has long been suspected that Tupac may be hiding in Cuba, the legendary rap star is hiding in Indonesia under the name “Thug Bao.” He has maintained himself by running a 1950’s theme drive-in diner that specializes in homemade root beer floats and banana splits. Pac will return to America and resign immediately with Death Row Records—now owned by friend and former label mate Snoop Dogg—and record a plethora of songs he has written over the past decades to release an unprecedented triple-disc album available exclusively as CDs for a year before it’s official streaming service release.
Tyra Banks will become the first sovereign citizen with a nuclear warhead
Unbeknownst to the world, former supermodel, Tyra Banks has been studying rocket engineer and nuclear warhead design for several years, while using her modelling empire to amass wealth and scientists. In an immaculate and evil plan, Banks has been marrying off models she has discovered to scientists and arms dealers in return for their cooperation and support. She will then use their favours to purchase a series of small islands in the Indian Ocean and then secretly assemble her nuclear arms on and around the island. She will then declare herself the sovereign ruler and sole inhabitant of Tyrastan and demand a seat on the UN security council or she will destroy several small cities.