Why naïve inaction is best
By Josh Visser, Contributor
Given our close proximity to the upcoming federal election, I thought now would be an opportune time to get a message across to my fellow colleagues (because I care). Do not vote in this October’s election. Don’t do it. Ever! I have some reasons for my opinion, of course. They are these:
You and I both only have one vote apiece.
The government doesn’t actually influence the lives of us peasants.
You would be giving up roughly 3.15 minutes of spare time
As a non-voter, you can still bitch about the result of the election.
The 2011 federal election saw a voter turnout of 61.1 per cent. Stephen Harper’s Conservative party gained an influx of 28 seats in the House of Commons (166/308) with a whopping 39.62 per cent of popular vote. Voter turnout in those most recently eligible to do so, aged 18–24, was 38.8 per cent.
It is cool not to.
If you look at the numbers side by side, clearly the votes of youth could potentially win an election on their own. Remember premise two: our lives are not changed at all by government, so why vote? There are so many more things you could be doing for that 1/96th chunk of your day, like watch postseason baseball, or have a tiny nap.
Doesn’t that sound more appealing than using the one chance you get to possibly improve your country, and your life as a citizen? I mean, it’s just four years. That’s only around 1500 days. We can tough it out. You won’t hear me bitching and complaining about the government at all.
Some of the major issues in this election that will have absolutely no effect on our daily lives are as follows, and in no particular order: abortion, animal rights, basic freedoms/equality, drug and alcohol regulation, environmental ethics, euthanasia, gun law, healthcare, the refugee crisis, prostitution, pensions, and many others, but, obviously, I shouldn’t have to list them, because they don’t matter for anything. It would be a waste of my time.
Exactly like voting would be a waste of your time! Except for all you hipsters out there, who are now obligated to vote since non-voting is now the cool, trendy thing to do and you naturally need to go against the grains. For the hipsters, and all of you out there who believe you do have a voice in your ballot, all the power to you in the coming election. Let’s hope for a better future for us as Canadians. We can only do so much.
If you are a normal human and do not know where you stand in the current political agenda, visit canada.isidewith.com or votecompass.ca to take a quick quiz, and see where you match up with the major parties on the major issues. It’s just like Tinder, except there’s a little less chance of being cat fished when matching political parties.
This piece is a satirical humour article.