Leonardo Dicaprio wins Oscar, quickly loses it

Actor simply can’t remember where he put award

By Chandler Walter, Humour Editor

The stars were shining at last week’s Oscars, but the question on everyone’s mind was whether or not Leonardo DiCaprio would finally obtain the award that had eluded him for so long.

It appears that the stars did indeed align in his favour, and DiCaprio won Best Actor for his role in The Revenant. DiCaprio delivered a rousing speech about his career, the road it took to stand on that stage, and praise for all those he worked with on The Revenant.

Unfortunately for DiCaprio, it was a mere half hour into the night when he realized he had misplaced his recently won trophy. The events were shut down, as actors and actresses—dressed in their best—got down on hands and knees to find DiCaprio’s Oscar.

“You know, it’s always in the last place you look!” stated Ryan Reynolds, who was helping himself to some appetizers during the commotion.

DiCaprio was obviously going through some emotional stress, and though he tried to keep his composure every time a camera panned to his face, his skin seemed tight and his eyes red.

“I can’t believe he just lost another Oscar…” Joy star Jennifer Lawrence was heard saying.

After 15 minutes of searching, chaos erupted as Brie Larson and DiCaprio were found wrestling, breaking many tables and chairs.

Evidently DiCaprio had “found his Oscar” at Brie Larson’s table, though Larson and all those at her table were adamant that it was actually the Best Actress Oscar she had recently won.

After Samuel L. Jackson calmed everything down with a booming shout, it was determined that it was in fact the Best Actress Oscar after all.

It was at this point in the night that DiCaprio visibly cracked, sitting down at his table and promising “I am going to Departed whoever it was that took my Oscar.”

There have been rumoured reports that Matthew McConaughey and Punk’d mastermind Ashton Kutcher were seen giggling and fleeing the building, though that has yet to be confirmed.

After a short cool down, DiCaprio spoke to press about his plans for the future: “It doesn’t matter. I’m just going to have to win another one. No, multiple. Every year from now on I will claim that prize, do you hear me? I don’t care what it takes, I braved the Canadian winter for this movie, for the next I’ll toil through the desert. Literally leave me on Mars. Whatever it takes. I will have my Oscar.”

DiCaprio left the building shortly after The Bear won the Best Supporting Actor award for his work in The Revenant.