Destroys long-term relationship while using less-than-one calorie
By Sharon Miki, Humour Editor
A Vancouver man is receiving viral acclaim today after pictures of his ultra-creative use of the latest Diet Coke marketing promotion hit Facebook. Sawyer Swift, 32, lovingly arranged seven cans of his girlfriend’s all-time favourite beverage, Diet Coke, in their fridge to spell out a special message for her:
“Jessica: I’m Sorry. I Can’t. It’s Over.”
Images of the gesture have already received several hundred “likes” on the social media site, which totally means that people really, truly like it.
The aforementioned Jessica Kleincalm, 27, returned home from work Monday and found her boyfriend excitedly hovering around the kitchen.
“I opened the fridge and my first reaction was, ‘Oh, good! He bought me some Diet Coke!’ But then I realized what the cans were really saying. I was pretty devastated. I mean, I was betrayed by the thing I love most! Diet Coke, that is. Sawyer isn’t that great.”
Swift, to his credit, envisioned the gesture as loving. “I wanted to soften the blow of losing me with some cool, crisp refreshing flavour.”
Kleincalm is currently in the process of moving in to a new apartment—and restocking her new fridge.
“From now on, I’ll only drink Diet Pepsi,” said Kleincalm, coolly, while sipping her soda in the shade.
