People I can do without: The sequel

More people who need to rethink their lives

By Alex Stanton, Staff Writer

It’s common knowledge that 90 per cent of sequels to anything—be it a film, a book, or an article in your school’s paper—are just not quite as good as the originals that spawned them. Sometimes, the sequel in question is acceptable, if still inferior to a noticeable degree; just as often (okay, slightly more often), you encounter a sequel that is so horrific that you envy those existing in another version of reality where it stayed in the depths of hell where it belongs forever (or, at the very least, you try to get a refund).

Now, as you can imagine, no matter how much effort I put into coming up with extremely mundane things that piss me off, I’m not exactly 100 per cent certain that what you’re reading is an improved list. You’ll either find yourself laughing so hard you misplace your sides, or you’ll think it’s so bad that you make a list of your own for the sole purpose of including me on it. Or you’ll find a happy medium. Either way, it works out for me.

1. Movie-goers who feel the need to repeat out loud a funny line immediately after it’s heard: Richard Roeper didn’t have to sit through 22 Jump Street two seats down the aisle from some teenager (presumably not old enough to see 18A films yet) who could definitely make a career out of being Jonah Hill’s professional echo. Why should I?

2. People who still repeat jokes from movies that are 10–15 years old: I may just lose the few marbles I have remaining if someone I just met asks me to do karate in the garage or if some mouthy kid tries to insult me by saying, “Derelick my balls.”

3. Jimmy Fallon. If that man ever gets through a Saturday Night Live sketch without him giggling like a young girl and breaking character, then I’m going to assume hell has frozen over.

4. Music elitists: I have a friend who generally dresses like a normal early 20-something, except for one shirt. The shirt has big, blocky letters that spell out, “My music taste is better than yours.” Definitely a humorous shirt, but music elitism exists, and people who engage in it are positively lame.

5. Unoriginality: I can’t help but honestly think less of those who find even the slightest bit of success with their art before going on to milk their cash cow. It’s a real shame.