Animal rights activists advocate testing cosmetics on douchebag men instead of animals
By Sharon Miki, Humour Editor
In a move that is being applauded by both animal rights groups and frustrated women sick of spending a lot time and money looking conventionally pretty for guys who barely notice, PETE (People for the Ethical Treatment of Everyone) has launched a new campaign called “Leave Bunnies Alone: Test Makeup on Bros and See How They Like It.”
The campaign aims to protect innocent animals from the cruelty of harmful and dangerous cosmetic testing—while simultaneously showing men whom organizers deem to be “bros, douches, or jerks” at first glance that sometimes women don’t want to wear makeup, either.
“Guys are always like ‘oh, why do you wear makeup? I prefer when you have a natural look.’ Do they have any idea how much time it takes to make me look ‘natural’? I don’t think so,” said PETE spokesperson Anna McGree.
McGree, 26, is the founder and president of PETE. She further explained: “I mean, If I want to look like I’m not wearing any makeup, I have to put on BB cream, CC cream, spot concealer, under-eye concealer, loose powder, blush, highlighter, eyebrow pencil, eyebrow gel, eyeshadow, eyeliner, mascara, and lip balm. And that’s just to, like, go to the grocery store!”
Indeed, the campaign’s primary promotion strategy is to approach men at bars and goad them into getting a “natural” makeover by calling them “chicken” and taunting them with “bawk, bawk” until they relent. The results, according to McGree, have been mixed, though she remains optimistic.
“Current legalities prevent PETE from using untested chemicals on humans—yet—so we mostly use nice organic, cruelty-free products. But the cool thing is that a lot of the guys have told us things like ‘wow, that did take a really long time.’ One thing that’s come up that we didn’t foresee, however, is that a lot of the guys just thanked us for ‘upping their swagger game.’ A few even tried to buy the BB cream off of me… which I don’t think really does much to help the animals—but at least we’re starting a dialogue, you know?”
While the PETE campaign has yet to successfully convince any cosmetic companies to actually change their animal-testing practices, PETE is hopeful that raising awareness may motivate beautiful change in the future. In any case, McGree seems pretty proud of herself.
“I thought to myself: if I’m looking for cruelty-free treatment for all those sweet little animals, maybe I could find a way to also make my life a little hassle free too. Kill two birds with one stone… wait—scratch that bird thing.”