Who’s going to be today’s big winner, folks!
By Chandler Walter, Assistant Editor
Well, ladies and gentlemen, it is a gorgeous day out here at the Waterfront Station raceway, as our racers are lined up and raring to go for what is sure to be quite the spectacle!
In a black suit and tie, well-worn slacks, and a look of sheer determination, we have the Businessman leading the pack in a prime starting location: standing directly in front of the SkyTrain doors.
Beside him awaits the lovely Woman with Groceries, and we know from past races that she will stop at nothing to be in first place at the finish line.
Following shortly behind them we have Longboard Kid, Mustache Guy, and Girl Student, all eager to show what they’ve got and prove themselves worthy of the fabled trophy.
And with the chimes of the SkyTrain they are off! Businessman quickly takes the lead, using every ounce of shoulder width he has to keep those behind him from trying to pass. That is not going to stop Woman with Groceries, however, as she swiftly speed walks by and is the first onto the escalator! We have never seen such a start here, folks! A short break from the action as the escalator is clogged… OH MY LANTA! Longboard Kid has made the unprecedented move to take the stairs and is now neck and neck with Woman with Groceries for first place!
They’re off the escalator now and it is anybody’s race. They’re coming up on the first of the Compass Card fare gates and in a heartbreaking turn of events Mustache Guy has lost his Compass Card, putting him out of the running for the grand prize.
Everyone but Mustache Guy has made it through the gates, so now the real fun begins. An open expanse of space to pass, and various distractions looking to stall our walkers. Girl Student is nearly stopped by the thought of a Starbucks drink, but continues on in third place.
They are coming up on the second fare gates now, and this could make or break the standings. Longboard Kid makes it through, and Woman with Groceries is NOT EVEN TAPPING IN! She somehow just slid in right behind Longboard Kid during his tap and is now hot on his tail! We have conferred with the judges and it’s been decided that it was a fair (though illegal) maneuver. These racers are really giving it their all. And oh no, after such a promising start, Businessman has found himself stuck behind a stroller. That’s going to put him out of the running.
We are at the last stretch now and it is too close to call; these commuters are neck and neck coming up to the finish line, and oh what a finish line it is. The Millennium Line SkyTrain, with doors open, an empty seat, and a ticket home for one lucky contestant.
They are scrambling down the stairs now, and it looks like it is going to be Woman with Groceries to make i—WAIT ONE MOMENT! Longboard Kid comes out of nowhere and gets through those doors right at the chiming of the train! He has done it! HE HAS DONE IT! What a race folks, and what a finish!
Tune in next week to see if your favourite commuter makes it to the train on time, or if they experience the gut-wrenching failure of defeat.