Handy tips for a laid-back semester
By Joe Slacquer, Contributor
It’s that time of year again, time to remove the shrink wrap from your textbooks and crack open a new notebook. Now, if you’re anything like me, school is an okay place to be. You get to hang out with your friends, the cafeteria food is all right, and you don’t actually have to put in that much effort. If only the instructors weren’t so insistent on students paying attention! But, with these tips, I’m here to help you achieve a carefree classroom experience.
- Insist on the proper pronunciation of your name
Instructors hate having to pronounce long, complicated student names, especially when they know they don’t stand a chance of getting it right. If you’re fortunate enough to have an almost unpronounceable name, then you’ve got it made! Your instructors will almost never call on you. But if your name is easy to pronounce—like Joe—make sure to tell your instructor that they are pronouncing it wrong. When correcting them, come up with the strangest, most outlandish pronunciation possible. If they repeat it back correctly, tell them they’re still wrong. They won’t want the headache, and you’ll be sitting pretty with a question-less semester.
- Sit in the front row
I know this sounds like the opposite of what you should do if you want to slack off, but trust me on this one. When you’re sitting in the front row, read the course textbook really close to your face, or take enthusiastic notes that require constant scribbling the entire time. Your instructor will get so distracted and frustrated that they will ask you to sit in the back row so you’re not such a distraction. Once you’re back there, it’s smooth sailing for the rest of the semester, with the opportunity to do whatever you want. And the best part? Your instructor sent you back there themselves, giving you full permission to be your slacker self!
- Have a coded set of notes handy
If your instructor asks to see your class notes, have a coded set at the ready. Instead of showing them your blank page, show them a page of complex codes and symbols, and explain their meanings: some letters are replaced with numbers, sentences can be written forwards or backwards, and that doodles that looks like tic-tac-toe? Those are the homework assignments. Once your instructor wraps their head around what you’re saying, they’ll see that you do keep notes (bonus points!), but that it’s far too complicated for them to try to read. They’ll never ask to see your notes again.
Still clueless about how to slack off this September? Just kick back, relax, and let your slacker instincts take over. Honestly, the less work you put into it, the better you’ll be at it.