Former prime minister simply refused to be in the same room as his replacement
By Chandler Walter, Assistant Editor
The Tragically Hip rocked Canada last month with their CBC-broadcasted final performance, from the sandy beaches of Vancouver to the rocky shores of St. John’s.
What many Canadians who tuned in that night (roughly one third of the population) do not know is that a well-known face was scheduled to rock out for Canada as well that night, but things did not go according to plan.
Former prime minister Stephen Harper was set to play the keyboard alongside his four-piece band, the Van Cats, as the opening act for The Tragically Hip during their Canada-wide show. Unfortunately, the arrival of Prime Minister Justin Trudeau reportedly put Harper into a mood that could not be calmed by any of his band mates.
“We told him to just concentrate on the music, to do it for the music, but he wouldn’t listen,” said Van Cats guitarist, Eddy Lee. “He kept going on about how Canada has moved on, and didn’t want to see him anymore. Which we think is silly—Canada always loves his music, no matter how rocky things got between the two of them.”
“It just hard to see him go through that,” said the band’s drummer, Don Jonham. “Ever since Canada chose that hotter, younger prime minister, ol’ Harp has been doing nothing but playing ‘Mad World’ on his keyboard. We could barely even convince him to come play this show with us, but he said he would do it for Canada. I guess the guy really does still care.”
It is reported that when Harper saw Trudeau walking into the building, he flipped over his keyboard and stated that he was “having none of this bullshit, man,” and would catch the band on the flip side.
Attempts to speak to Harper on the matter have all been unsuccessful, though he did issue a short statement to the press, scrawled out in black sharpie on a ripped scrap of paper.
The statement read, “I’m out. Going to concentrate on my music. I hope Canada is happy with the choice it made, because I am so totally over it.”
Harper’s PR manager then officially declared that he would be stepping down as MP, as he had “a whole lot of new songs to write, and a certain country to forget about.”