Authorities say that there was something a little ‘too average’ about his Twitter
By Livia Turnbull, Contributor
Sixteen-year-old Alex Wexham is your typical teenager. He likes junk food, angsts about dating, and has a Twitter account. However, Wexham’s life hasn’t been in accordance with typical teenage-hood since the authorities showed up at his front door Tuesday night.
“They said I was under arrest for being suspicious,” said Wexham. “I don’t understand. I’m not like those dumbasses who ended up in jail after posting their party pics all over Twitter.”
Wexham’s Twitter account showed nothing about him attending parties or doing any illegal activities. The last thing he tweeted about was his current grades for two of his classes.
“Im getting a B in Science and a C in Math #Fuckyeah #A&Wany1,” said the tweet.
“I’m really bad at Math,” Wexham explained, “but I don’t know why anybody would be upset over a ‘C.’”
“We’re monitoring every teen and college student’s Twitter now,” said head of the new Twitter-monitoring police division, NSAOKAY, Andrew Toshi. “Wexham’s Twitter just seemed a bit too normal for us. We’d expect a young person to try and get away with underage drinking or marijuana at least once.”
“Are you kidding me?” responded Wexham. “My parents would literally kill me if I came home drunk or reeking of pot. They would also take away my phone.”
Alex Wexham was released with a warning to try and act a little more devious on his social media. Wexham has since deleted his Twitter account claiming, “Trigonometry is a lot easier to understand than this.”
“He’ll be back,” said Toshi. “Young people can’t live without social media for very long. Now, if you excuse me, I’ve got to update our Twitter with this important bulletin.”