Timeline: then vs. now

Image via Thinkstock
Image via Thinkstock

How far we’ve come this semester

By Chandler Walter, Humour Editor

In memorial of the naïve, eager, young, student that walked through those college doors on a bright September day.

You will be missed.


First day of school, September 5

Two weeks left, November 17

7:30 Wake up. Class is at 9:30, don’t want to be late. No idea when the bus comes, need to have some extra time.

7:30 Asleep

7:35 Shower, shampoo, soap, brush teeth.

7:45 Blue pants. Black pants? Blue pants.

8:00 breakfast. Eggs, bacon, toast, orange juice. Read a bit of the paper. Check the bus schedules. Plan out a trip so you’ll still make it even if you miss both busses and have to wait for the next.

8:30 Make the first bus. Miss the second. Make the second second. Get to school half an hour early.

8:30 First alarm. Snooze.

8:45 Realize if you don’t get up now you’ll miss your first class. Have a slight inner struggle. Your prof doesn’t take attendance, and there’s no quiz. Snooze.

9:00 Wander the halls anxiously.

9:25 Show up to class, not too early, but early enough to get a seat at the back. Look around. Try not to make weird eye contact.

9:30–10:20 Take notes, memorize the syllabus, jot down what textbook is needed.

10:30 go to book store. Wait in lineup. Get textbook.

10:30 Snooze

10:35 Snooze

10:40 Snooze

10:45 Wake up

10:45 Wander the halls, find your second class, wander around a bit more until it starts. Use the washroom. Buy a coffee so you look sophisticated. Use the washroom again.

10:45–11:04 Shower, dress, leave textbooks on desk; they’re too heavy. Grab two mandarin oranges to eat on the bus, stuff some leftover pasta in a Tupperware for lunch, catch the bus.

11:05 Catch the northbound, get off and start walking towards school. Check at every stop if the westbound bus is close, but keep moving just in case the damn bus is full.

11:25 Go into class, sit near someone who was in your other class. Make awkward conversation.

11:25 Watch the bus fly by you. “Sorry asshole, bus full.” Text your buddy to mark your name down on the attendance sheet your prof insists on having. Keep on trekking.

11:30–12:20 Take notes, memorize the syllabus, listen intently. Laugh when appropriate.

11:37–12:20 Show up late, take your seat, Snapchat, check Twitter, ask a question pertaining to what the prof is talking about so he remembers back to you being there and “actively participating.” Browse on your Macbook, make it look like you’re taking notes on it. Show buddy beside you the muted cat video. Go to the washroom, grab a coffee, read a bit of the paper.

12:20–1:30 Spend $10 on lunch from the cafeteria. Wander around with some other people whose names you forgot but who obviously don’t want to be spending lunch alone, either. Awkwardly decide to eat somewhere outside.

12:20–1:30 Heat up your leftovers at the microwave, grab a free fork and squirt of sriracha from the sushi lounge. Meet the gang by the couches. Buddy isn’t going to finish his lunch, call dibs.

1:25 Go to class, realize some of these strangers are in the same class, make more small talk.

1:30–3:20 Take notes, memorize the syllabus, listen intently. Laugh when appropriate.

1:30–4:00 Skip class, head to the library. Get another coffee. Get shit done.

4:05 Head home, warm up some more leftover pasta. Binge watch Netflix until you hate yourself enough to do more work.

3:25 Go home, do homework, make a meal. Clean up. Do some readings in the textbook. Binge watch Netflix once everything is done.