Something warm to fill the void that is your soul
By Chandler Walter, Humour Editor
Nothing deserves a fancier dessert than Valentine’s Day. Whip up this quick and simple recipe in no time at all, and enjoy for the rest of the dark and lonely night.
1 tablespoon self pity
2 eggs (unfertilized)
1 cold bed
7 boxes of Jenny Craig low calorie snack crackers
2 teaspoons of past breakup regrets
1 handful of heartbreaks
1 vial of tears
3 bottles of chardonnay white wine
1/2 mickey of Captain Morgan’s Spiced Rum
1 roll of cookie dough (uncooked)
In the human body, mix the self pity, chardonnay, and regrets together. Place human in cold bed.
Garnish with snack crackers, eggs, and cookie dough. Bring all ingredients to a boil.
In a separate thought, mix together the heartbreak and the tears.
Mix the two together, and wait.
Recipe will be done once five texts have been sent to past lovers, and three Facebook pages of the people those past lovers are with have been stalked.
To complete recipe, drown in Spiced Rum, and add Rom-Com of your choosing.