Cutting a classic back down to size

‘The Hobbit: Dwarfed Edition’ film review

By Chandler Walter, Distribution Manager

The Internet is chock-full of people who like to complain about everything. Once in a blue Durin’s Day moon, someone actually does something about it. These people are the true keyboard heroes.

Among these modern day saints is a Reddit user under the name of “AdultTeenBaby” who has put in the time, effort, and risk of legal action to cut the first two installations of The Hobbit down to an hour of footage each. The end goal is a three-hour movie, spanning the entire Hobbit trilogy and covering, for the most part, only what was actually in the book.

With the three movies combining for a total of more than eight and a half hours (I’ve always joked that you could finish the book in less time), it must have taken quite the pair of digital scissors to shear away the excess. But what was left was greater than any hoard of Dwarven gold.

Most—if not all—important aspects of the literary story were left. Though, with less dialogue and awkward inter-racial sexual tension, and fewer battle scenes, the movies lose the dreary pace that so vexed critics and fans alike.

Notably missing:

– Legolas and his girlfriend/sidekick Tauriel

– That one white orc that just can’t ever seem to die. (Due to this, the wolves and the fires in the trees and the deus ex machina—I mean eagles—had to be cut as well)

– Our third favourite wizard, Radagast the Brown and his rabbit … sled … thing

– About 20 minutes of barrel riding

– Some dwarves being left behind in Lake-town, just to open up the possibility of more strange, strange romance scenes

– The entire climax of The Desolation of Smaug

Thankfully kept:

– A much shorter rest at Rivendell

– Riddles in the dark with Gollum

– Beorn and his queer lodgings

– Flies and Spiders and all those fun things

– A casual conversation with the dragon, Smaug “The Magnificent”

– One of my all-time favourite Middle Earth quotes: “We have no time to wait upon the wizard”

– Thorin … and pretty much any other character who has made plans with the guy

With the three movies edited down to their much more reasonable proportions, most of the central plot is dedicated to Bilbo’s development as a character. This was something that seemed almost drowned out by all the other filler plots, and I appreciated that the editors were able to bring it to the surface.

Overall, I found the first two-thirds of The Hobbit: Dwarfed Edition to be everything I would expect The Hobbit to have been, if it was only made into one movie in the first place. I cannot wait to see how the editors incorporate The Battle Of Five Armies into their project.

When it is finally a complete three hours (a long movie, even at that), I feel that The Hobbit: Dwarfed Edition will make a necessary start to any Lord of the Rings marathon viewings. Because who is really going to go through more than eight and a half hours before even making it to Fellowship of the Ring?

(The Other Press does not support or encourage viewing online torrent material. Accessing The Hobbit: Dwarfed Edition is at your own risk.)