Citizens celebrate marijuana legalization by getting crazy high

Does anybody have a piece of gum?

By Isabelle Orr, Entertainment Editor

On Wednesday, October 18, Canada became the second country in the world to legalize recreational marijuana. Thousands lined up across Canada to buy weed with soothing names like “AK-47” and “Snoop Dogg’s Balls.” The Other Press took to the streets to see how citizens felt about the historic day.

Some were enthusiastic about legalization. Scott Parker, 26, was happy to see the legislative change. “I had just gotten a bunch of incense for Christmas. I was like, ‘There’s no way I’m gonna use all of this incense.’ But now I have a reason to!”

Parker also said he finds marijuana to be a blessing.

“Sometimes I’ll run into friends that I don’t have much in common with anymore, but still feel like we have to hang out because of our shared history. Weed is great because it’s something we can do, then stare at our phones for 40 minutes until one of us just gets up and leaves. It’s a great way to not have to talk to someone while still maintaining a sliver of connection.”

Others like Stephanie Loscerbo, 57, weren’t so happy with the news.

“I’ve never smoked the grass before and I’m not about to,” she said. “Despite this, I’m going to vilify it as much as I possibly can. These kids shouldn’t be out there, getting high on reefer and talking about how much better Planet Earth looks when they’re stoned. Planet Earth is just fine how it is. They should act like responsible adults and have two double rum and cokes and an Ativan before bed like me.”

To celebrate legalization, citizens were convening in alleys, public parks, and 1999 Honda Accords to ingest the previously illegal substance. Daniella Cheng, 23, was with six of her friends behind a corner store.

“Weed is great,” Cheng said. “Hey, have you guys noticed that the clothes in Forever 21 really suck now? I went in there the other day and I didn’t like anything in there. Like, pretty much nothing in the whole store appealed to me except for like two crop tops. Oh my God, am I not their target demographic anymore? I thought I was supposed to be 21 forever! Oh my God, am I old? Am I turning into my mother?”

Many business owners took the news in stride, such as Richard Burnside, the owner of Silkscreenz (located on West Broadway). In his 22 years of running the shop, Burnside was adamant that sales had never been better.

“I’m all out of every Bob Marley silkscreen I have,” Burns said excitedly. “Pretty low on Stewie Griffin in a rasta hat too. I put in an order for ‘Trippy Rainbow Forest #14’ last week, so that should be in any day now. I just can’t keep them on the shelves!”

Other businesses were certainly feeling the heat. When stopping at Chipotle for a quick bite, the Other Press spoke to employee Jeff Richardson.

“You guys have to get me out of here,” Richardson said. “I’m stoned out of my gourd right now. Have you ever tried making a burrito while high? The corners just won’t fold together!”

When Richardson was reminded that tortillas were circular in shape and in fact had no corners, Richardson had to take a minute and sit down.

This reporter would like to note here that she had definitely not ingested any legal substances while taking these interviews. Unless, of course, you think smoking weed is cool, in which case she definitely did. Hey, does anyone else’s mouth feel super dry and weird?