HUMOUR

Let’s turn Simon Fraser University into an active volcano: An impassioned defence

I understand that this noble goal won’t be completed quickly. It could take years of bribery, falsifying evidence, and child endangerment.

Christy Clark joins Shaw Communications board of directors

This choice reflects Shaw’s recent announcement to “run their company into the ground before anyone else does.

Vancouverite outcry: Why weren’t cars set free on Car Free Day?

I don’t know what these people are talking about, our website clearly states what this event is about.

Dear Canada

All the signs point to it—flip-floppy behaviour, befriending literally everyone he comes into contact with despite passionately talking shit about them only moments before, the restlessness—Justin Trudeau is a Gemini.

Entrepreneur invents ingenious way to double his customer base

Harpen is developing seminars for his technique and plans to use his net-capturing to bring in a record number of audience members.

Man dies from severe case of the Mondays

“When we opened him up we found tiny tear-off calendars that just had Mondays printed on them.” – VGH Doctor

Google Maps introduces next generation of travel modes for modern user

So far, public response to the updates has been positive, with particular praise going towards the “skipping” and “walking briskly, after just gotten laid” modes.

Consecutive days of good weather fills city with confusion, fear

“There’s nothing we can do except actually go outside and enjoy the fresh air.” Brad McChinsley, weather reporter.

East Africa solves famine by ordering Endless Shrimp from Red Lobster

“I stayed away from the breaded shrimp and the linguini shrimp—those fill you up too quickly!” – John Magufuli

Top free places to camp in Vancouver

In Vancouver, summer is the best time of the year. Unfortunately, since you live here, your wallet isn’t having the best time.