Bared on the Beach

Distant cousin of Minister of Foreign Affairs flops in debut

By Eric Wilkins, Assistant Editor

Bared on the Beach, a theatrical production company, gave its first performance last week on the shores of Palestine. The company’s modern take on The Tempest was not well-received by the audience and resulted in the actors being pelted with eggs as they attempted to make their way from the scene.

Bared on the Beach, the brainchild of Jean Bared—the thrice-removed cousin of Canada’s Minister of Foreign Affairs—has reportedly moved shop following suggestions by reviewers that the play had a distinct “pro-Israel leaning.” Other criticisms came primarily from family-goers who were looking for age-appropriate entertainment; having been promised no violence, parents were shocked to see consistent combat. Stockholders in the enterprise were disappointed that the original script had undergone so many changes, scarcely resembling what they had bought into at the start.

Some of the few positives drawn from the performance were the special effects, which were thanks in large part to a state-of-the-art stage. The built-in dry ice cavities and reflecting surfaces allowed the audience incredible visuals throughout.

Responding to the poor quality of the play, just in the back of the tent, a young man commented, “True, though, at least their platform had more to it than smoke.” The figure with him mulled over a response for a moment before, as if he hadn’t a cair in the world, doing nothing.