Ministry of Fisheries and Oceans accused of anti-Asian racism

Ministry discriminates against Asian carp

By Eric Wilkins, Chief Peace, Love, and Fishsticks Correspondent

In a statement released last week, Environment Canada has gone on record as saying that it is wholeheartedly against the Government of Canada’s move to devote $17.5 million to keep Asian carp out of the Great Lakes.

Keith Ashfield, Minister of Fisheries and Oceans Canada delivered the following quote last week, “The Great Lakes are important to the economic and cultural make-up of Canadians who live and work on these waters. These lakes support both recreational and commercial fisheries and a way of life for our people. Our efforts to date have prevented Asian carp from establishing in the Great Lakes system and we will continue to do what is necessary to keep them from taking over this valuable watershed.”

In response to this comment, Environment Canada head, Red Brown, said, “Canada is a very ethnically diverse country. It’s time for Canada, waters included, to stop fighting the inevitable and embrace the future. Carpe diem. Asian carp have as much a right to inhabit the Great Lakes as anyone else.”

Continued Brown: “This isn’t the 20^th century anymore; it’s completely unacceptable for any kind of racism to still exist. To this end, the term ‘invasive species’ is now being replaced with ‘welcome immigrants.’ It is our sincere hope that the actions we take within the next few years will help to build a more inclusive future.”

Along with the vocabulary replacement, Brown outlined the rest of Environment Canada’s anti-racism strategy. “We hope to bring in several new welcome immigrants each month in order to make up for lost time. With a little luck, Canada will be a very different place a year from now. But until then we’re trying to preach the necessity for patience and understanding. There will be some growing pains associated with this influx of immigration. However, gradually, as the new inhabitants become integrated into their adopted ecosystems, all this hubbub will be seen as a mere speed bump in history.”

The popular slogan for the movement is, “They [creatures] have the right to choose [where they live] too.” The tagline has received overwhelming support from the pro-choice movement, but Brown has no complaints about it, if a bit confused, “We’ll take what we can get. Support is support.”