It is a both mental and physical journey of self-discovery
By Tania Arora, Staff Writer
Over time, as life goes by and adulthood hits us in the face, we come to realize a lot about others and ourselves. For instance, I have grown to realize a lot of things about myself; I love to travel, being around unproductive or mentally static people irritates me, I tend to get along better with guys rather than girls, I love to go on solo dates, I won’t cook for myself but I love to do it for other people, and so much more. I still explore a new side of me every day. But when we think of self-introspection, is it just limited to mental digging of likes and dislikes?
No, it isn’t. Another important part of discovering yourself is what you want in bed, and I don’t mean how you sleep. What are your sexual preferences? Do you like to go slow, do you want your partner to be gentle, or do you like fast and steamy… and want your partner to be rough? Are you into kinky sex or are you more Vanilla? Are you dominant or submissive? Do you like bondage? The questions are endless. Finding answers to these questions is a part of knowing ourselves. And we only get the answers to these questions when we try things out.
I was on a date a few weeks back with someone I have been talking to for a while now. I was ready to get physically involved and was hoping our date would go well. When we started making out, in the first few seconds I could tell that he is not my type. Till I was 22, I did not know my stamina—I was still exploring if I like sex slow or not as I sometimes enjoy both. I now know that I enjoy kissing only from some specific people who have a specific style. This is something about myself that took me awhile to discover—I had to experience it first.
One of my friends who is fairly new to such things one day mentioned in a conversation: “I haven’t tried going down on a guy before. When I see it in porn, it makes me uncomfortable.” This made me think, if we don’t try something, it is hard to tell if whether we will like it or not. Only after trying it will we know how we feel about it. It is same as finding your kissing style, you know more when you try more. Similarly, by actually performing the dominant or submissive role, you figure out which side you prefer, and you may be surprise yourself when trying out each side.
Sexual preference isn’t something we will get to know after one sexual session. The more you try, the more you understand yourself better. When two people are involved in a sexual encounter, the aim is not just to satisfy the other person, but ourselves too.