Christmas wish list for the struggling student
By Chandler Walter, Humour Editor
With jolly ol’ December 25 coming around again, here is a list of things that your college going son, daughter, or friend is in desperate need of.
Tuition. While a Christmas present of $2,000–$3,000 is on the steep side (and the other kids might get a bit jealous) keep in mind that the bachelor of arts degree they obtain by the end of it will be worth its weight in gold. Namely the weight of a single piece of paper. Plus, that minimum wage part time job they’ve been working for the most part of the prior semester has really only been enough to supply them with a 12 pack of Cariboo every weekend and cheap sushi every lunch.
Peace. There’s nothing a college student wants more after a long gauntlet of finals than simply a little peace. This is free for you to give them, and the only effort needed is stifling any curious aunts and uncles from questioning them on how their semester has been. This means no asking about GPA, no asking about future job prospects, and above all, no asking why they’re still single. Between full time schooling and part time booze-money-making, can you really expect them to have the time for dating?
Quiet. After the turmoil of finals, and the relentless stress and pressure from deadlines and group assignments over the past four months, the best gift you can give a college student is the gift of silence. That means diverting the rowdy child-cousins to the basement, playing that Mariah Carey CD on volume level two, and maybe bringing them a nice cup of camomile tea if they haven’t already passed out.
Sleep. Combine the last two presents to create this one. Additionally, you can supply them with pillows and blankets, though for the most part just giving them a few days undisturbed in their old room should suffice.
Food. Once that college student awakes from the multi-day hibernation they very much needed, the greatest Christmas present of all (and most necessary) is a large helping of dinner. Be sure to get all the works—these students have just come off of four months of consuming nothing but ramen noodles, coffee, and discount day-old sushi. As an added bonus, throw in a brand new set of Tupperware, filled to bursting with your home cooking. A smart college student should be able to stretch that well into February.
