Let’s not kid ourselves, Tim Hortons is awful
By Craig Allan, Staff Writer
In January, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau received a lot of criticism for buying $4 donuts from an independent donut shop in Winnipeg on taxpayer money when he could have just gone to Tim Hortons for a cheaper price. I know anything Trudeau does can be the object of scorn, but in this case he was right on the money. Our tax dollars deserve better than the bland menu that perpetuates every Hortons.
Every time I pass by a Tim Hortons, I see a line going out the door. My teacher in my marketing class says that she drinks their coffee every morning. This is inexplicable to me as I have very seldom enjoyed the food from the behemoth of Canadian fast food culture. I must point out that I do not drink coffee, which I understand is Hortons most revered product, but I have tried many of their other offerings… and they are bland to sub-par at best.
First are their doughnuts. They are by far the best of their offerings, but there is nothing special about them. Any other doughnut shop, independent or not, can do better. Cartems, Krispy Kreme, even McDonald’s new little doughnuts are better. Tim Hortons new Strawberry Confetti Dream doughnut is pretty good, but the others are not. This week I tried the Chocolate Truffle Dream doughnut, and it was stale. How can Tim Hortons have stale doughnuts? It’s their whole thing! As for their Timbits, they are overrated as they come. They are either too sweet, or in the case of the sour cream glazed ones, just taste terrible.
Speaking of Timbits, in preparation for this, I went to the store and bought a box of the new Timbits cereal. I chose the Birthday Cake flavour because I thought it would be less sweet. To avoid giving a full review on it, I will just say that if you are looking to get out of doing a test or a day of work, just eat a bowl of Timbits cereal and you will be sent to the emergency room and be put into a diabetic coma in about an hour.
When it comes to their breakfasts, they are just awful. They look bad, and along with that, I always feel bad after eating them. I mean just look at their website. Look at the Bacon Roll. What the hell is that? I feel like I can see the dull grey warehouse that once surrounded this “bacon” roll. Also, they don’t even bother naming their breakfast items. Breakfast Wrap, Marble Rye Grilled Bagel Breakfast Sandwich, and Cheese Muffin. Those are descriptions, not names.
As for the other items they sell, they are the epitome of half-ass food. Every single time I have tried one of their new menu items I have regretted it. The Grilled Cheese Melt was burnt, and their BLT was worse than something I could have made at home… and I am a terrible cook.
Despite my hatred of Tim Hortons, I do believe they have the chance to get better from an experience I had writing this article. Years ago, I had their soup—and it was terrible. Just small noodles, little soggy chicken pieces, and no vegetables like carrots or celery. And I thought, “How do you screw up soup?!” It was, hands down, the worst soup I had ever eaten. For this article, I thought I would take a chance and try the soup again. I was pleasantly surprised. The noodles were conchiglie (shells), the chicken pieces were big, and the soup had carrots in it. Along with that, it was served with half of a ciabatta bun for a nice touch. If Tim’s can improve on their soup, maybe there is hope for them yet. However, if they keep doing things like introducing Beyond Meat burgers and Chicken Tenders, they should just give up. I’ll end this by saying, all will be forgiven if they just bring back the kettle chips! They’re better than those damn wedges!
Do you think Tims is food worth defending? Check out Tim Hortons is a Canadian gem for another angle on this issue!